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Growth In Loss: Loss Can Trigger Loss, But It Doesn’t Have To
“Loss triggers loss. If you don’t learn the art of helpful grieving now, future losses will compound – and continue to derail you.” Rebuild, week 6 Remembering when When it comes to child loss, my first experience came at 20 weeks of pregnancy. I was pregnant with my 3rdchild and went in for my “normal monthly check” when they discovered nothing was “normal” about it. There was no heartbeat. My world crashed in around me. I found out I was having a boy and that he was gone, all in a matter of moments. Darkness overtook me as I waited three days to deliver my long-anticipated son, David Michael. I had…
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Grief: Different Stroke for Different Folks, But I Didn’t See That One Coming
How might the type of death, type of relationship with the person, and previous experiences with the death affect our ability to grieve?
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Do You Have The Kind Of Support System You Need?
How Support Systems Shape the Way We Grieve A key factor in how we process grief is the kind of support system we have. Life stage, personality, and community all influence who supports us and how we heal. 🧒 Stage of Life Children often turn to their parents during grief. Parents carry the heavy task of guiding their children while managing their own pain—sometimes putting their kids’ needs first. Young adults tend to rely on friends. They may push away their parents’ care as they seek independence. But friends often lack experience with loss and may not know how to offer support. As a result, their ability to tolerate grief…
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Grieving Into The Holidays – Ragers and Gapers
Part Two As you drive through the holidays, you not only face speedbumps (things you can anticipate may be headed your way) and potholes (things you don’t see coming) but there are other drivers on the road. Every driver you pass is on a journey as well. Each can potentially cause a challenge for you to arrive safely at your destination. So, avoid one and embrace the other. Avoid this…Road Rage We’ve all been driving down the road and seen drivers overreact to being cut off. It is called road rage. Road rage is the violent anger caused by the stress and frustration involved in driving a motor vehicle in difficult conditions. When it…
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Grieving Into The Holidays – Speedbumps and Potholes
Part One The holidays are a complicated part of life in the midst of grief. Holiday festivities and holiday grief don’t usually mix well. Families gathering around a Christmas tree and someone missing are awkward. What are some tips to help “drive through the holidays” with as minor damage as possible? When it comes to hard days and holidays, beware of speedbumps and potholes. Speedbumps I know it is a word-picture and might be silly, but go with me here. If you think about a speed bump, they are forseeable changes. It is usually well-marked. A sign typically warns you it is coming. It is put there intentionally to “slow you down.” And if you…
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Gifts in the Midst of Grief – Part Three
Grief is a journey that can last as long as life on earth. But I believe it isn't the end of our stories. It is only the beginning.
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Gifts in the Midst of Grief – Part Two
I am not sure I set out to find “gifts in the midst of grief.” I just wanted to survive the brokenness I felt. Yet, I did find a second gift. Grieve in Helpful Ways When Bryan died, I only knew ONE person who had lost a child, Joan. She lived in Chicago, and I lived in Texas. She was a bucket person for me. That means I could lean into her for wisdom and insight, especially the first days, weeks, and months after Bryan died. During our MANY conversations, especially coming up to “big days,” she would share things she found helpful early on in her grief. On several occasions, she shared…
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Gifts in the Midst Grief – Part One
“I hear I need to ask for and accept help from others. I don’t know what I need. It is hard to ask. It is easier to pull away.”
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Grief Isn’t A Disease To Be Cured
Grief is complicated. We search for answers, but the most beneficial things that can occur aren’t the answers but those we meet along our search. When Bryan died, I knew ONE PERSON who had lost a child, Joan. I met Joan five years before as I became involved with a lifemaping ministry called Listen To My Life. Joan helped so much in the early days, weeks, months, and years. While she was a wealth of knowledge with loads of resources, the most helpful thing Joan did (and does) was walk beside me. It is a “walking beside you” experience of not having to have the answer or even explain the…
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Paradox of Mourning – Things you never expect
Tomorrow would be my son Bryan’s 22nd birthday on the 22nd. His “golden birthday.” That was a new term for me. A golden birthday is a birthday year when you turn the age that corresponds to the day of the month of your birthday. Bryan only lived to be 16, but time has moved on. And a new milestone arose. So how do you celebrate? How do you honor someone once they are gone? How do you move forward while looking back? That is the paradox of mourning. Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a famous death educator, grief counselor, and author, wrote about it in “The Paradox of Mourning.” Paradox 1: You…
