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I Will Never Forget The First Time I Heard That Song
Music and Memory in GriefMusic is a universal language. It reflects the heart and touches the soul. In seasons of grief, it opens a valve to our emotions. That’s why so many people find healing through music. Each season, I seem to discover a new song that helps me say what my heart is feeling. Especially around the holidays, I find myself listening again and again as I silently cry, “I miss you.”Here are a few of the songs that have carried me. The Sweetest Gift (Craig Aven 2016) In 2018, shortly after Bryan died, I came across The Sweetest Gift by Craig Aven. Christmas had already passed, but I…
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Making Meaning In The Midst of Grief
December 16th is a date that will live in infamy, at least in my life. It represents the day our precious Bryan went to Heaven. The day I thought my heart would stop beating; the day our lives changed forever; and it is something else: it is the day of my new son-in-law, Luke’s birth, the remarkable young man who promised to love and cherish our precious firstborn daughter, Robin. I didn’t realize it was Luke’s birthday until I had attached a different meaning to it – Bryan’s death. We all have emotional connections to certain dates, don’t we? For me, the significance is layered.My mom’s birthday falls on September…
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Thanksgiving Surprise – Are Your Senses High Strung?
The holiday season is full of landmines for those in the midst of grief. I will never forget our first Thanksgiving after Bryan died. I was looking forward to having both of my girls home. Robin, my oldest, called to ask if they could bring their dog. I knew my husband, Marcus, would not be excited. He didn’t care for dog hairs that come with a dog in the house. Trying to care for him well, I thought it was best to get his “buy in” before saying yes. He apparently had no calms about saying no. I, on the other hand, was devastated at the prospect of not having…
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As One Parent To Another, What’s Your Story?
Grieving as a parent is one of the hardest roads we walk. But sharing our stories helps us remember the life, not just the loss. Telling our stories keeps memories alive—it’s how I hold on to my sons, David Michael and Bryan Marcus, and how I also celebrate the lives of my daughters, Robin and Sara. Earlier this year, I had the chance to share my personal story of grieving as a parent on the podcast “While We’re Waiting.” I am forever grateful to Brad and Jill Persenaire Sullivan and Janice and Larry Brown for how they walk alongside bereaved parents through this powerful ministry. In part one of this…
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Grateful Hearts: Tea Time for Grieving Moms
“Mothers hold their children’s hands for a while, but their hearts forever.”
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Five Myths About Grief and The Truth That Will Set You Free
Grief is complicated. That might be an understatement. We come into grief with perceptions of how it is supposed to work, but what do we base those perceptions upon? Perhaps as you read some common myths about grief, you will find ones you believe. Maybe it is time to take another look at those beliefs. #1 Myth: It will get better with time The truth is that time doesn’t make things better. It is what you do with the time that will make it better. You have to take the time you need to grieve the loss and do helpful things during that time. #2 Myth: Talking about those who…
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To Grieve or Not To Grieve – Not the Right Question
Grief is defined as “whatever you think and feel inside about the loss. Any thoughts, emotions, physical symptoms, and even unexpected behaviors you are experiencing because of the loss/death are part of your grief.” (Alan Wolfelt) Mourning is when grievers express their grief outside themselves. Mourning is grief inside out. (Alan Wolfelt) Grief is not optional because you will think and feel in the midst of the pain of loss. Mourning is another matter altogether. Let’s change the question to ” To mourn or not to mourn.” Mourning looks different for everyone Some people emote and express their feelings freely. They feel their emotions, both good and bad. It can be a healthy response but might…
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Are You Excited About Mother’s Day? Maybe Not
April showers bring May flowers. Do you know what else the end of April and heading into May bring? Mother’s Day. President Woodrow Wilson established Mother’s Day as a national holiday in 1912. Anna Jarvis was credited with the idea as a way of honoring the sacrifices mothers made for their children. When Mother’s Day Hurts I love the idea of Mother’s Day, but somehow, the holiday has lost some appeal. You see, I am one of many moms who anticipated Mother’s Day with a bit of dread.Miscarriage affects one in five pregnancies.Around one in ten women struggles with infertility.Abortion touches the lives of one in four women. Each statistic represents…
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Easter in a Season of Sorrow
Easter Past I love Easter. As our kids grew up, it was almost a sacred time. After church on Easter Sunday, we would go to my folk’s house for lunch, an Easter egg hunt, and family photos. The kids would line in age order to take pictures. Then, they would get in height order. The Thomas kids spread out nicely in age order, but when it came to height order, they usually gathered at the end of the line. Finally, there was the obligatory photo with Mimi and Bop Bop. What I wouldn’t give to have those days back! I have other Easter memories. When Bryan was six, he was…
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Presuppositions and Grief: It Might Be Time to Take Another Look
Have you ever been in one of those situations where you heard a word or sentence that piques your curiosity, and then the same idea comes up several times in a short period? As a Christ follower, I take that as God trying to get my attention. What might that idea be right now? It is the idea of “presupposition.” Two weeks ago, during bible study, our teacher explained that when we study the Bible, we often come with presuppositions. A presupposition is something we assume to be true based on our background. If you are raised Baptist, Methodist, Catholic, Lutheran, other world religions, or no religion, you were taught…
