Grief is defined as “whatever you think and feel inside about the loss. Any thoughts, emotions, physical symptoms, and even unexpected behaviors you are experiencing because of the loss/death are part of your grief.” (Alan Wolfelt)
Mourning is when grievers express their grief outside themselves. Mourning is grief inside out. (Alan Wolfelt)
Grief is not optional because you will think and feel in the midst of the pain of loss. Mourning is another matter altogether. Let’s change the question to ” To mourn or not to mourn.”
Mourning looks different for everyone
Some people emote and express their feelings freely. They feel their emotions, both good and bad. It can be a healthy response but might be hard to be around. Other people repress emotions, unconsciously pushing them out of their minds. Those emotions are there, but they have never been processed and can lead to physical and mental issues. Still, others suppress their feelings, pushing them out of their minds because they can’t deal with them. This can be for a season till you are more ready or capable of processing emotions. Perhaps many people have a mixed response in the midst of grief, choosing to process their grief when they have space to express their emotions outside earshot of others.
When it comes to grief and mourning, there is another strategy for expressing emotions that you might find helpful. It allows you to release the pressure valve of grief in a time and place of your choosing. It is called “pre-grieving”. The idea is when you expect a particular day to be difficult, make a date with your grief. Go for a walk, listen to music, connect with someone further down the road in their grief, schedule an appointment with a counselor, or have coffee with a friend. Take time to journal and process memories or have intentional conversations.
Pre-Grieving Application – Mother’s Day
As we head into Mother’s Day, consider doing some work ahead of time. Do something special to celebrate the child who is not with you so that on Mother’s Day, you can enjoy the child who is with you. If you are in the North Dallas, Collin County area, I invite you to a “Tea Time for Grieving Moms” on April 27th at 10 AM at Woodcreek Church in Richardson, Texas. This event is designed to honor and embrace mothers and grandmothers who have endured the loss of a child at any age, through miscarriage, or are facing the challenges of infertility, known as “moms in waiting.” It’s a day to gather, share, and find a community that understands the journey. If you are in the area, please join us.
