Thankful in the Midst of Grief

In session ten of Rebuild, we address the question, “How do you navigate the awful firsts and holiday seasons?” As we explore what it means to remain thankful in the midst of grief, this session invites us to approach the “Hard Days of the Holidays” with honesty, grace, and practical tools for walking through loss.

Over the years, I’ve shared several reflections connected to this material—everything from navigating “grief speedbumps and potholes” to dealing with “gapers and road ragers” on the emotional highway of loss.

These concepts still hold true, but as Thanksgiving approaches, I find myself especially mindful of the ways God has met me in the midst of grief.

The Gift of Someone Further Down the Road

I often speak about the importance of having someone “further down the road” who can walk with you through grief. For me, that person has been my precious friend, Joan Kelley.

I met Joan five years before Bryan died through a spiritual formation experience called Listen to My Life. She was mentoring facilitators learning to guide others through lifemapping. From our first conversation, I began asking her questions—and I haven’t stopped.

At the time, I knew only that Joan had lost her 17-year-old son, Will, two years earlier. It was a part of her story, but I never imagined how such an experience could impact someone’s life. As we worked together on Listen to My Life and One Life Maps projects, I noticed she embodied authenticity, compassion, and grounded spiritual insight.

When My Loss Became Real

When Bryan died, Joan was the first person I thought to reach out to.

She quickly became my steady sounding board, meeting me in every kind of question:

• Practical: How do you plan a funeral?
• Emotional: How do you keep living when everything feels shattered?
• Spiritual: How do you trust God when He allows your son to die?

Every time, she responded with care, truth, and wisdom learned through her own pain.

Two things became clear to me:

1. She allowed Scripture to do its deep work in her life, even in the midst of grief.
   “Consider it pure joy… whenever you face trials… because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance…” (James 1:2–4).
   God had grown her through unimaginable suffering.
2. She had learned practical tools for managing loss through Rebuild: Finding Hope After Loss.
   Those tools became part of the way she supported me as I began my own grief journey.

Seven Years Later: A Full-Circle Moment

This year marks seven years since I first walked through Rebuild with Joan as my guide.
In Scripture, the number seven symbolizes completion, fullness, and God’s quiet work beneath the surface. I don’t know that my grief journey is anywhere near “complete,” but I can say with certainty that God has used Rebuild to shape my heart towards healing in surprising ways.

This year, I invited Joan to come to Texas and speak to our Rebuild group.

It was an incredible gift.

• A gift to our group, who received timely, compassionate wisdom from someone who has truly walked this road.
• A gift to our leadership team, who finally met the Joan they’ve heard me reference for years and experience her insights and compassion firsthand.
• A gift to me, as two important worlds in my life connected and I was able to publicly thank her for how she has shaped my healing.

These moments don’t erase loss—but they do reveal God’s unmistakable presence woven through the journey. This Thanksgiving, being thankful in the midst of grief doesn’t minimize the pain—it highlights God’s presence in it.

God Is Close to the Brokenhearted

Scripture reminds us:

• God draws close to us in seasons of deep sorrow, offering His presence when our hearts feel shattered. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18
• God uses painful seasons—ones we never would have chosen—to form endurance, character, and hope within us. We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” — Romans 5:3–4
• God equips us to extend comfort to others, passing on the same compassion and strength He has poured into us. “He comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” — 2 Corinthians 1:4

This Thanksgiving, even in the lingering ache of grief, I find myself deeply grateful—for Joan, for Rebuild, and for a God who never wastes our pain.

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Reflection Questions

1. Who has God placed in your life as a blessing—long before you knew you’d need them?
2. Looking back on your grief journey, how has God provided for you in unexpected ways?
3. How might you express gratitude—to God or to that person—in a meaningful way this Thanksgiving?