I am not sure I set out to find “gifts in the midst of grief.” I just wanted to survive the brokenness I felt. Yet, I did find a second gift.
Grieve in Helpful Ways
When Bryan died, I only knew ONE person who had lost a child, Joan. She lived in Chicago, and I lived in Texas. She was a bucket person for me. That means I could lean into her for wisdom and insight, especially the first days, weeks, and months after Bryan died.
During our MANY conversations, especially coming up to “big days,” she would share things she found helpful early on in her grief. On several occasions, she shared things she learned in a grief program she participated in called REBUILD. The idea of finding helpful ways to manage my grief was a HUGE priority. So, having realized I had to ask for what I needed, I asked Joan if she could take me through that material. Pre-COVID and 1000 miles apart, Joan and I talked through the material. It was the most helpful thing I did, except for counseling, because of the many tools I learned to help me grieve in helpful ways.
Pass It On
Over the past six years, I’ve watched many people grieve in a variety of ways. Some people withdraw and stay stuck because they feel hopeless. Others reach out and make something good of their loss. I desire to fall into the second category. I want to give the gift that was given to me by being a bucket person to others in grief. I was so grateful for the gift I had found in REBUILD. I was so grateful that I wanted to give it to others. I got permission from Willowcreek Church in Chicago to use their grief materials at Woodcreek Church in Richardson. It has been a joy to watch others find helpful tools to grieve and an honor to be in support of others along the way.
Reflection
Who has helped you in your grief journey? Who can you ask for help? How might you “pay it forward”? Finding others who understand your grief can pave the way to healthy grieving. And once you find your footing, you can return the favor to someone else.
