Grief is a journey. Not one we typically volunteer to go on. I had a one-year plan to handle my grief. The thought of an ongoing story wasn’t appealing. Six years into my one-year plan, I’ve learned some significant lessons.
Learn from the Past
We lost our first son in 2000. Halfway through our pregnancy, he died. I was horrified and overwhelmed and shut down. I refused to allow anyone to come to the hospital as I delivered David Michael. My husband screened all my calls and told others I wasn’t ready to talk to them. Survival was the name of the game, and it didn’t go well.
Ask for Help
Losing David Michael helped me realize I needed to do this differently. Two weeks after Bryan died, I took account of my relationships. Who had I trusted in the past? I emailed 20 of those friends to say, “I hear I need to ask for and accept help from others. I don’t know what I need. It is hard to ask. It is easier to pull away.” I invited them into my grief story. Over time, I began to share what was going on, what had been hard, what I was thankful for, and what was coming up. I often asked for prayer and updated friends on what happened after asking them to pray. What started as a few emails a month decreased; what originally began with 20 friends grew. Who knew that sharing my struggle with others would be what I most needed to build a support system?
Reflection
Who might you invite into your grief story? Who do you trust to bear witness and encourage you along the way? Asking up front makes it easy to ask down the road and might be just what you need.
