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Learning to Hope Again When Grief Reopens Old Wounds
This summer, I’ve been working through a Bible study with a friend: Hope For The Hurting Heart, by Linda Dillow. It’s a gentle, faith-based companion for those walking through grief. With honesty shaped by deep loss, Dillow offers more than advice—she offers presence. Her “Heart Skills” are not spiritual checklists. They’re anchors for when sorrow threatens to pull you under. We haven’t made it far in the book yet, but one chapter—on Hope—stopped me in my tracks. Honestly, it would’ve been worth the entire book just for that one lesson. Because if I’m being honest… The search for hope may be my greatest struggle in life. Especially during times of grief.…
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I Will Never Forget The First Time I Heard That Song
Music and Memory in GriefMusic is a universal language. It reflects the heart and touches the soul. In seasons of grief, it opens a valve to our emotions. That’s why so many people find healing through music. Each season, I seem to discover a new song that helps me say what my heart is feeling. Especially around the holidays, I find myself listening again and again as I silently cry, “I miss you.”Here are a few of the songs that have carried me. The Sweetest Gift (Craig Aven 2016) In 2018, shortly after Bryan died, I came across The Sweetest Gift by Craig Aven. Christmas had already passed, but I…
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As One Parent To Another, What’s Your Story?
Grieving as a parent is one of the hardest roads we walk. But sharing our stories helps us remember the life, not just the loss. Telling our stories keeps memories alive—it’s how I hold on to my sons, David Michael and Bryan Marcus, and how I also celebrate the lives of my daughters, Robin and Sara. Earlier this year, I had the chance to share my personal story of grieving as a parent on the podcast “While We’re Waiting.” I am forever grateful to Brad and Jill Persenaire Sullivan and Janice and Larry Brown for how they walk alongside bereaved parents through this powerful ministry. In part one of this…
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Grieving Into The Holidays – Ragers and Gapers
Part Two As you drive through the holidays, you not only face speedbumps (things you can anticipate may be headed your way) and potholes (things you don’t see coming) but there are other drivers on the road. Every driver you pass is on a journey as well. Each can potentially cause a challenge for you to arrive safely at your destination. So, avoid one and embrace the other. Avoid this…Road Rage We’ve all been driving down the road and seen drivers overreact to being cut off. It is called road rage. Road rage is the violent anger caused by the stress and frustration involved in driving a motor vehicle in difficult conditions. When it…
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Grieving Into The Holidays – Speedbumps and Potholes
Part One The holidays are a complicated part of life in the midst of grief. Holiday festivities and holiday grief don’t usually mix well. Families gathering around a Christmas tree and someone missing are awkward. What are some tips to help “drive through the holidays” with as minor damage as possible? When it comes to hard days and holidays, beware of speedbumps and potholes. Speedbumps I know it is a word-picture and might be silly, but go with me here. If you think about a speed bump, they are forseeable changes. It is usually well-marked. A sign typically warns you it is coming. It is put there intentionally to “slow you down.” And if you…
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Gifts in the Midst of Grief – Part Three
Grief is a journey that can last as long as life on earth. But I believe it isn't the end of our stories. It is only the beginning.
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Gifts in the Midst of Grief – Part Two
I am not sure I set out to find “gifts in the midst of grief.” I just wanted to survive the brokenness I felt. Yet, I did find a second gift. Grieve in Helpful Ways When Bryan died, I only knew ONE person who had lost a child, Joan. She lived in Chicago, and I lived in Texas. She was a bucket person for me. That means I could lean into her for wisdom and insight, especially the first days, weeks, and months after Bryan died. During our MANY conversations, especially coming up to “big days,” she would share things she found helpful early on in her grief. On several occasions, she shared…
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Gifts in the Midst Grief – Part One
“I hear I need to ask for and accept help from others. I don’t know what I need. It is hard to ask. It is easier to pull away.”
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Grief Isn’t A Disease To Be Cured
Grief is complicated. We search for answers, but the most beneficial things that can occur aren’t the answers but those we meet along our search. When Bryan died, I knew ONE PERSON who had lost a child, Joan. I met Joan five years before as I became involved with a lifemaping ministry called Listen To My Life. Joan helped so much in the early days, weeks, months, and years. While she was a wealth of knowledge with loads of resources, the most helpful thing Joan did (and does) was walk beside me. It is a “walking beside you” experience of not having to have the answer or even explain the…
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Paradox of Mourning – Things you never expect
Tomorrow would be my son Bryan’s 22nd birthday on the 22nd. His “golden birthday.” That was a new term for me. A golden birthday is a birthday year when you turn the age that corresponds to the day of the month of your birthday. Bryan only lived to be 16, but time has moved on. And a new milestone arose. So how do you celebrate? How do you honor someone once they are gone? How do you move forward while looking back? That is the paradox of mourning. Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a famous death educator, grief counselor, and author, wrote about it in “The Paradox of Mourning.” Paradox 1: You…
