Shoeboxing: A Gentle Way to Hold Your Grief

Without a doubt, one of the most helpful things I’ve learned through our grief group, Rebuild, is an exercise called Shoeboxing.

Grief has many layers. There’s the loss of the person you loved—and then all the little losses that come with it:

• Not watching a child grow up, graduate, get married.
• Not having a spouse to share everyday life or fix the broken sink.
• Not leaning on a sibling as your parents get older.
• Not calling a parent for advice or hearing family stories.
• Not sharing laughter or traditions with a close friend.

The list goes on and on.

Shoeboxing allows you to step in and out of your grief, one layer at a time. It gives you space to engage with sorrow when you’re ready—and to safely set it aside when it’s too heavy to hold.

In therapy, this is known as a containment exercise. But for many of us, it’s also a spiritual one.

✨ What Shoeboxing Means

Shoeboxing is a guided grief exercise—sometimes called a containment practice—that helps you manage overwhelming emotions in a healthy way. You create a physical or symbolic box to hold memories, emotions, or thoughts connected to your loss.

When grief hits hard, it can feel like everything floods in at once. Shoeboxing helps you take one piece at a time. You can open the box when you’re ready to engage with your grief—and close it when you need rest or space.

💡 Why Shoeboxing Helps

• It validates that all layers of loss matter, even the small ones.
• It gives grief a container, creating emotional safety.
• It helps you pace your healing—engaging with pain when you’re ready and resting when you’re not.
• It restores a sense of control and choice in a time when everything feels uncertain.

🩵 How to Practice Shoeboxing

Shoeboxing is a simple but sacred way to process one layer of grief at a time.

Imagine each layer of loss—each memory, moment, or “what could have been”—resting inside its own shoebox on a shelf in your mind.

When you’re ready, choose one box to open. Find a quiet space, grab your journal, maybe pour a cup of coffee, and let your heart speak. Picture taking that box down, lifting the lid, and allowing the memories or emotions to surface.

You might write, pray, cry, or simply sit in stillness. Then, when you’ve had enough for now, imagine placing the lid back on the box and returning it to the shelf. The box—and what it holds—will be there when you’re ready again.

This practice lets you visit your grief with intention and grace. It reminds you that you can hold sorrow without being consumed by it.

🎥 Want to Experience It?
Watch the short video below to walk through the Shoeboxing exercise with me.

🌿 Shoeboxing and My Faith

Shoeboxing reminds me that God never asks us to carry everything at once. He invites us to bring one burden at a time—to lay it down, to rest, to breathe. Each time I imagine placing a “box” of grief on the shelf, I also picture setting it in His hands. He holds what I can’t. And when I’m ready, I can return—knowing it’s still safe with Him.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
— Matthew 11:28–29

✏️ Reflection Prompt

• What are some “layers of loss” that come to your mind outside of the loss of your loved one?
• What layers of grief are you ready to open today?
• How does it feel to know that God keeps track of your sorrows, even when you’re too tired to hold them yourself?