Finding Hope in Lament: My Journey Through Grief and Healing
Lament: Finding Words for My Grief
God has a way of pressing repeat in my life. Not because He’s trying to frustrate me, but because I am a slow learner. Through different seasons of grief, He has brought me back to the same powerful theme: lament.
What Is Lament? Understanding Grief as a Spiritual Practice
Lament isn’t simply sadness—it’s a way of bringing my raw, unfiltered heart to God. A lament is a passionate expression of grief or mourning, sometimes found in poems, songs, or prayers. In Scripture, lament is brutally honest: it names the pain, sorrow, and even anger of the one praying, while still clinging to the relentless goodness of God.
When my son Bryan died, I had no language for my grief. I read verses like “You have chosen my portion” and “You lead me to pleasant places” (Psalm 16:5–6), and I couldn’t reconcile them with the jagged reality of losing what was most precious to me. How could this path be “pleasant”? How could this be God’s chosen portion for my life?
Learning That Lament Is Not Weakness, But Faith
Over time, God patiently taught me that lament is not a sign of weak faith. It’s the faith to bring every question, every ache, and every tear to Him.
My journey with lament unfolded in three major “repeat lessons.”
Remembering the Early Days: Wrestling with Suffering
Two months after Bryan died, my church began a sermon series on The Book of Job: Suffering Well.
My first reaction? Are you kidding me?
One pastor acknowledged that many of us were walking through deep suffering. He said that sometimes, even showing up to church feels hard. If you feel that way, tuck those words away—they’re permission to not have all the answers yet.
That moment was a gift: an acknowledgment that I was seen, known, and not pressured to “fix” my grief immediately.
A Year Later – Discovering Practical Tools in Grief Support
A year after Bryan’s death, I joined a grief program called Rebuild: Finding Hope After Loss. Near the end, the topic of lament surfaced again, this time as a practical tool for processing grief.
Three biblical truths stood out:
- Grief is a natural, God-given response to pain and loss of any kind.
- God’s faithfulness is the constant thread—not faithfulness to erase loss, but faithfulness to be present with us in it.
- Lament is a common biblical response—over sixty Psalms, the book of Lamentations, and many other Scripture passages are written as laments.
Two Years Later – A Global Season of Grief and Lament
In April 2020, as the world shut down during the COVID-19 pandemic, I received my third reminder about the gift of lament. That spring, our church preached a sermon series on Lamentations.
The timing felt almost poetic. Grief was no longer just mine—it was woven into the daily news. Death counts scrolled across screens. Words like “shelter in place” and “social distancing” became everyday vocabulary.
One Sunday, Pastor Scott Stonehouse mentioned Mark Vroegop’s book, Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy: Discovering the Grace of Lament. He shared a four-step pattern of biblical lament:
- Turn to God in prayer.
- Complain honestly about how you feel.
- Ask Him to act.
- Express your trust in Him.
I had never noticed this pattern before, but once he pointed it out, I saw it everywhere. For the first time, I had a way to put words to my grief—a starting point for writing my own laments.
This was the beginning of seeing lament not just as a biblical concept, but as a personal practice—a way to honor God in my sorrow while being fully honest about my pain.
Looking Ahead
In my next post, I’ll share the most recent step in my journey and one of my own laments, written as a prayer of both grief and worship.
In Need Of Support
📍 In the North Dallas / Collin County area, we offer a ten-week workshop:
Rebuild: Finding Hope After Loss.
🗓️ New groups begin September 8th.
🌍 Not local?
GriefShare is a thirteen-week, faith-based program. It meets online and in person.
You’ll walk through loss with others who understand.
jthomas
Julie Thomas has a degree in secondary education from Baylor University. She taught and coached for nine years at the secondary level before serving 30 years for Real Options, a pregnancy clinic in Allen, Texas. Her passion is equipping volunteers to talk with women dealing with an unplanned pregnancies. Julie has been married to Marcus for 30+ years, and they have four children: Rachael, Robin, Sara, and Bryan. In 2017, Julie’s life changed forever when she lost her 16-year-old son. Learning to deal with loss in Julie’s life led her to begin a grief ministry, become a certificate in Mental Health Coaching with an understanding of Grief and Loss. REBUILD, Finding Hope After Loss was written by Willow Creek Church in Chicago.
