How Grief Affects Your Body, Mind, and Emotions

When my son Bryan died, I quickly discovered that grief isn’t just about tears or sadness. It touches every part of us—our bodies, our thoughts, and our emotions. In week three of Rebuild, we focus on this very topic. I want to share some of what I’ve learned, both from my own journey and from the stories of fellow grievers.

Physical Responses to Grief

One of the biggest surprises for me was how much my body hurt. I expected changes in sleep and appetite, but I didn’t expect that I would struggle to breathe, that it would hurt to lift my arms, or that simply getting out of bed would feel exhausting.

Others I’ve walked with in grief have shared their own symptoms:

• A metallic taste in the mouth
• Hair loss
• Chills and sweats
• Digestive struggles—diarrhea, constipation, acid reflux, or even ulcers

These aren’t signs of weakness. They are signs that grief takes up residence in the body.

Mental Responses to Grief

The physical toll wasn’t the only thing I noticed. My mind stopped working the way it used to. For months, I lived in a fog. I couldn’t focus, couldn’t remember what I’d read, and sometimes drove without knowing how I got from one place to another. Worst of all, my thoughts often looped back to painful images of Bryan’s death that I couldn’t push away.

Others describe:

• Restlessness or forgetfulness
• Feeling overwhelmed by tasks that once felt simple
• The sudden onset of phobias or anxieties that had never existed before

Grief clouds the mind as much as it weighs down the body.

Emotional Responses to Grief

Then there are the emotions. For me, crying was as natural as breathing. Depression, which I had battled before, deepened into hopelessness. Thoughts of not wanting to live were frequent—not because I truly wanted to die, but because I couldn’t see a reason to keep going. And when I wasn’t weeping, I often felt nothing at all. I was numb.

Others have noticed very different emotional responses:

• Anger without a clear target
• Bitterness that slowly set in
• Laughing at inappropriate times
• Talking nonstop (“diarrhea of the mouth”)
• Acting completely out of character

In Rebuild, we often say, “Everything is normal.” That’s reassuring in theory, but when your mind, body, and heart are all in turmoil, nothing feels normal.

Why Do We Respond This Way?

It helps to remember that our bodies are designed to protect us. When we experience loss or trauma, the brain activates what’s called the fight, flight, or freeze response. It’s the same response that would help us survive if we were being chased by a bear in the woods. But when the “threat” is a memory of our loved one or a traumatic moment, those same responses can feel overwhelming rather than helpful.

So How Do You Cope?

When your body, mind, and emotions are overloaded, it’s important to find tools that help calm your nervous system. We often call these mindfulness techniques. Each one is designed to slow you down, help you feel safe, and give your body and mind space to breathe.

• Intentional Breathing – Focus on slow, steady breaths in and out. This simple rhythm helps your body relax and signals to your brain that you are safe.
• Body Scan – Gently bring awareness to each part of your body, noticing tension and releasing it as you go. This practice reconnects you to your body and brings a sense of ease.
• Butterfly Hug – Cross your arms over your chest and gently tap your shoulders, alternating left and right. This movement can soothe distressing emotions or sensations and create a sense of calm.

Reflection Questions

• What physical, mental, or emotional responses have you noticed in your own grief?
• Which of these mindfulness practices might help you calm your body and mind?
• How can you show yourself compassion as you navigate these responses?