Feeling Stuck in Grief? Five Signs and How to Move Forward

One memory from early grief came from a conversation with my pastor, Bill Brewer. He told me it was important not to get stuck. As long as you are moving forward, even in sadness or anger, you will be okay. In the second session of Rebuild, this very topic—getting stuck—takes center stage.

In my last blog, I wrote about how “everything goes on as normal in the midst of grief.” Not everything is helpful. So, do helpful things.” Getting stuck falls into the “not helpful” category. The things we do early on to survive—staying busy, isolating, avoiding—are normal. But if they linger, they can become signs of being stuck in grief.

Becoming stuck is normal. Remaining stuck is a choice. The key is to notice when you’re stuck so you can choose to do something different.

The Five Signs of Being Stuck in Grief

Despairing (Giving up)

Despair looks like debilitating depression that isn’t easing with time. It could also be detachment from what once mattered. Or it may be believing life will never again be beautiful or good. Sometimes it even sounds like, “I just don’t want to wake up tomorrow.”

After Bryan died, I had those thoughts. I didn’t want to take steps to end my life, but I didn’t want to live, either. That was normal—but it wasn’t helpful. It was a sign I needed help.

Dwelling (Fixating)

Dwelling shows up when every conversation circles back to your loss. It appears when memories consume your days. It also manifests when you create a “shrine” of belongings and can’t let go of anything.

It’s okay—good even—to treasure things from your loved one. But if those things keep you from living, they can quietly become idols.

Denying (Minimizing)

Denying often sounds like: “I’m fine.” … “Others have it worse.” … “I just need to focus on my kids (or spouse, work, etc.).”

Sometimes it’s being unable to feel joy without also feeling guilty.

Distracting

Distraction is using work, school, kids, or even good activities to avoid grief. Avoidance is normal at first—it gives you breathing room. But you can’t live there forever. At some point, you have to allow yourself to grieve.

Dulling (Anesthetizing)

We all know the numbing strategies: food, alcohol, screens, endless scrolling. For me, it was “The Two F’s: Food and Facebook.”

This doesn’t mean medication prescribed by a doctor doesn’t have a place. Sometimes you truly need help with anxiety, depression, or sleep—especially after trauma. But there’s a difference between treatment and numbing.

How to Move Forward When You Feel Stuck in Grief

Here’s the good news: if you’re stuck, you don’t have to stay there. Healing happens when you take even the smallest step forward.

If you notice yourself in one of the Five D’s, try the opposite:

• Despairing? Reach out to a counselor. Join a grief group. Tell someone you trust about your thoughts instead of hiding them.
• Dwelling? Shift your focus—create something with your hands, start a project, or volunteer to serve someone else.
• Denying? Give yourself permission to feel what sneaks up on you. Journal, cry, share honestly, go for a long walk, even scream if you need to. Don’t ignore it.
• Distracting? Try journaling. In Rebuild, we talk about three helpful methods: grief journaling, expressive writing, and purposeful conversations.
• Dulling? Swap numbing habits for healthier outlets: prayer, art, walking, reading, or trusted conversations.

Moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting your loved one. It means honoring their memory by continuing to live. Grief isn’t a straight line—you may feel free one week and stuck the next. That’s okay. Each step matters.

And remember, you don’t have to take those steps alone. Reach out to someone you trust. You might also consider joining a group like Rebuild: Finding Life After Loss. In this group, others walk this road with you. You don’t have to figure it all out at once. Just take the next step.

Reflection Questions

• Where do you see yourself getting “stuck” in your grief journey?
• Which of the Five D’s shows up most often for you when you are feeling stuck in grief?
• What is one small, helpful step you can take this week to move forward instead of staying stuck?