Stories of faith in the midst of life’s challenges.
The Perfect Storm
Did you ever see the movie “The Perfect Storm?” In it, the captain, played by George Clooney, convinces the crew of the Andrea Gail to join him for one more late-season fishing expedition. Initially unsuccessful in their usual fishing grounds, they head further out to sea. As they head back to shore with their catch, they find themselves at sea as two powerful weather fronts and a hurricane collide. That is a pretty good description of what God has done in my life.
#1 Weather Front: My Past- My parents divorced when I was young, and when my mom and stepdad began attending Fellowship, I trusted Christ because I didn’t want to go to Hell. I never strayed away. I always did what was expected of me. I continued to be involved in church and Bible study and practice spiritual disciplines. I worked part-time in ministry. And I was scared to death that one day I would stand before God and hear Him say, “Depart from me. I never knew you.” I doubted MY salvation and HIS love.
#2 Weather front: My Present – My family began attending Woodcreek about three years ago. In that time, I have come to realize many things about myself and my beliefs about God. Perhaps the biggest thing I was learning is that I knew a lot about God, but the gap between my head and my heart was becoming more evident. I had come to the conclusion that while God loved the world, I wasn’t really sure that meant He loved me personally.
#3 Approaching Hurricane: My God – This summer, my sense of unrest over God’s love for me became consuming. I tried hard to ignore it, but everything I read and heard seemed to echo that theme. One particular friend has continued to remind me that I have not yet settled the issue of God’s love for ME. One day, she said, “I hope you’re most getting the part about God being crazy about you. Because when you’ve got that, so many other things come. When you don’t have that, everything else is hard. But it’s true, Julie. He’s absolutely crazy about you, just as you are, regardless of your skill set or sin, your great days, or your pitiful days. Before the world was formed, and before you had a chance to do one good thing, He set His loving sights on you. And He chose you for reasons you’ll never understand. Just to be His child because he’s crazy about you.” I KNEW she was right, but as hard as I tried, no amount of resolution could change that emptiness.
I am so grateful my story doesn’t end there. Time and again, EVERY conversation I had the message I heard, and the book I read came back to that one thought – “Do I KNOW that God loves ME?” The message of Galatians has been, “Salvation comes by grace alone in Christ alone through faith alone.” I have come to realize while I had trusted Christ for my salvation, I was putting my faith in what I did to prove I was saved – to bring me security. And it wasn’t working. The following week, we were challenged to consider how the gift of God’s grace was woven into the fabric of our stories. I began asking God for a New Story – one that DID NOT include “God loves the world, but not necessarily me.” But the truth is the biggest example of God’s grace in my life is that God continued to pursue me with His love, even when I was blind to His loving pursuit.
On September 24, 2012, I was talking with a friend about God’s love for ME, and God made something obvious. He had been showing me time and time again that He loved me, and I was resisting that. As we stopped and prayed, everything seemed to change. And unlike the storms that destroyed Andrea Gail, the storm of God’s love brought a freedom I had never known. My fear of standing before God and hearing Him say, “Depart from me. I never knew you.” was gone. My fear of death was gone. My doubts about God’s love were gone. BY GOD’S GRACE, after 37 years of having a relationship with Christ, I can finally tell you Jesus loves ME. This I know, and I KNOW where I will spend eternity.