Holidays and Hard Days
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I Will Never Forget The First Time I Heard That Song
Music and Memory in GriefMusic is a universal language. It reflects the heart and touches the soul. In seasons of grief, it opens a valve to our emotions. That’s why so many people find healing through music. Each season, I seem to discover a new song that helps me say what my heart is feeling. Especially around the holidays, I find myself listening again and again as I silently cry, “I miss you.”Here are a few of the songs that have carried me. The Sweetest Gift (Craig Aven 2016) In 2018, shortly after Bryan died, I came across The Sweetest Gift by Craig Aven. Christmas had already passed, but I…
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Making Meaning In The Midst of Grief
December 16th is a date that will live in infamy, at least in my life. It represents the day our precious Bryan went to Heaven. The day I thought my heart would stop beating; the day our lives changed forever; and it is something else: it is the day of my new son-in-law, Luke’s birth, the remarkable young man who promised to love and cherish our precious firstborn daughter, Robin. I didn’t realize it was Luke’s birthday until I had attached a different meaning to it – Bryan’s death. We all have emotional connections to certain dates, don’t we? For me, the significance is layered.My mom’s birthday falls on September…
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Thanksgiving Surprise – Are Your Senses High Strung?
The holiday season is full of landmines for those in the midst of grief. I will never forget our first Thanksgiving after Bryan died. I was looking forward to having both of my girls home. Robin, my oldest, called to ask if they could bring their dog. I knew my husband, Marcus, would not be excited. He didn’t care for dog hairs that come with a dog in the house. Trying to care for him well, I thought it was best to get his “buy in” before saying yes. He apparently had no calms about saying no. I, on the other hand, was devastated at the prospect of not having…
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Grateful Hearts: Tea Time for Grieving Moms
“Mothers hold their children’s hands for a while, but their hearts forever.”
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Are You Excited About Mother’s Day? Maybe Not
April showers bring May flowers. Do you know what else the end of April and heading into May bring? Mother’s Day. President Woodrow Wilson established Mother’s Day as a national holiday in 1912. Anna Jarvis was credited with the idea as a way of honoring the sacrifices mothers made for their children. When Mother’s Day Hurts I love the idea of Mother’s Day, but somehow, the holiday has lost some appeal. You see, I am one of many moms who anticipated Mother’s Day with a bit of dread.Miscarriage affects one in five pregnancies.Around one in ten women struggles with infertility.Abortion touches the lives of one in four women. Each statistic represents…
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Easter in a Season of Sorrow
Easter Past I love Easter. As our kids grew up, it was almost a sacred time. After church on Easter Sunday, we would go to my folk’s house for lunch, an Easter egg hunt, and family photos. The kids would line in age order to take pictures. Then, they would get in height order. The Thomas kids spread out nicely in age order, but when it came to height order, they usually gathered at the end of the line. Finally, there was the obligatory photo with Mimi and Bop Bop. What I wouldn’t give to have those days back! I have other Easter memories. When Bryan was six, he was…
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Grieving Into The Holidays – Ragers and Gapers
Part Two As you drive through the holidays, you not only face speedbumps (things you can anticipate may be headed your way) and potholes (things you don’t see coming) but there are other drivers on the road. Every driver you pass is on a journey as well. Each can potentially cause a challenge for you to arrive safely at your destination. So, avoid one and embrace the other. Avoid this…Road Rage We’ve all been driving down the road and seen drivers overreact to being cut off. It is called road rage. Road rage is the violent anger caused by the stress and frustration involved in driving a motor vehicle in difficult conditions. When it…
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Grieving Into The Holidays – Speedbumps and Potholes
Part One The holidays are a complicated part of life in the midst of grief. Holiday festivities and holiday grief don’t usually mix well. Families gathering around a Christmas tree and someone missing are awkward. What are some tips to help “drive through the holidays” with as minor damage as possible? When it comes to hard days and holidays, beware of speedbumps and potholes. Speedbumps I know it is a word-picture and might be silly, but go with me here. If you think about a speed bump, they are forseeable changes. It is usually well-marked. A sign typically warns you it is coming. It is put there intentionally to “slow you down.” And if you…
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Grief Isn’t A Disease To Be Cured
Grief is complicated. We search for answers, but the most beneficial things that can occur aren’t the answers but those we meet along our search. When Bryan died, I knew ONE PERSON who had lost a child, Joan. I met Joan five years before as I became involved with a lifemaping ministry called Listen To My Life. Joan helped so much in the early days, weeks, months, and years. While she was a wealth of knowledge with loads of resources, the most helpful thing Joan did (and does) was walk beside me. It is a “walking beside you” experience of not having to have the answer or even explain the…
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Bereaved Mother’s Day, A Way To Remember
Did you know that the Sunday before Mother’s Day is a day of remembrance? It is International Bereaved Mother’s Day. It recognizes those who have lost a child or cannot be a mother due to infertility or other health reasons. From miscarriage and stillbirths to SIDS and death of children, teens, young adults, and adult children, mammas of any age are not designed to bury their child. It goes against the natural order of life. From the moment a mom first recognizes she is pregnant till the day she buries that child, everything screams of her love and care for the life she bore. You probably won’t find a card at Hallmark for the…
