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Five Myths About Grief and The Truth That Will Set You Free
Grief is complicated. That might be an understatement. We come into grief with perceptions of how it is supposed to work, but what do we base those perceptions upon? Perhaps as you read some common myths about grief, you will find ones you believe. Maybe it is time to take another look at those beliefs. #1 Myth: It will get better with time The truth is that time doesn’t make things better. It is what you do with the time that will make it better. You have to take the time you need to grieve the loss and do helpful things during that time. #2 Myth: Talking about those who…
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To Grieve or Not To Grieve – Not the Right Question
Grief is defined as “whatever you think and feel inside about the loss. Any thoughts, emotions, physical symptoms, and even unexpected behaviors you are experiencing because of the loss/death are part of your grief.” (Alan Wolfelt) Mourning is when grievers express their grief outside themselves. Mourning is grief inside out. (Alan Wolfelt) Grief is not optional because you will think and feel in the midst of the pain of loss. Mourning is another matter altogether. Let’s change the question to ” To mourn or not to mourn.” Mourning looks different for everyone Some people emote and express their feelings freely. They feel their emotions, both good and bad. It can be a healthy response but might…
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Are You Excited About Mother’s Day? Maybe Not
April showers bring May flowers. Do you know what else the end of April and heading into May bring? Mother’s Day. President Woodrow Wilson established Mother’s Day as a national holiday in 1912. Anna Jarvis was credited with the idea as a way of honoring the sacrifices mothers made for their children. When Mother’s Day Hurts I love the idea of Mother’s Day, but somehow, the holiday has lost some appeal. You see, I am one of many moms who anticipated Mother’s Day with a bit of dread.Miscarriage affects one in five pregnancies.Around one in ten women struggles with infertility.Abortion touches the lives of one in four women. Each statistic represents…
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Easter in a Season of Sorrow
Easter Past I love Easter. As our kids grew up, it was almost a sacred time. After church on Easter Sunday, we would go to my folk’s house for lunch, an Easter egg hunt, and family photos. The kids would line in age order to take pictures. Then, they would get in height order. The Thomas kids spread out nicely in age order, but when it came to height order, they usually gathered at the end of the line. Finally, there was the obligatory photo with Mimi and Bop Bop. What I wouldn’t give to have those days back! I have other Easter memories. When Bryan was six, he was…
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Presuppositions and Grief: It Might Be Time to Take Another Look
Have you ever been in one of those situations where you heard a word or sentence that piques your curiosity, and then the same idea comes up several times in a short period? As a Christ follower, I take that as God trying to get my attention. What might that idea be right now? It is the idea of “presupposition.” Two weeks ago, during bible study, our teacher explained that when we study the Bible, we often come with presuppositions. A presupposition is something we assume to be true based on our background. If you are raised Baptist, Methodist, Catholic, Lutheran, other world religions, or no religion, you were taught…
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Growth In Loss: Loss Can Trigger Loss, But It Doesn’t Have To
“Loss triggers loss. If you don’t learn the art of helpful grieving now, future losses will compound – and continue to derail you.” Rebuild, week 6 Remembering when When it comes to child loss, my first experience came at 20 weeks of pregnancy. I was pregnant with my 3rdchild and went in for my “normal monthly check” when they discovered nothing was “normal” about it. There was no heartbeat. My world crashed in around me. I found out I was having a boy and that he was gone, all in a matter of moments. Darkness overtook me as I waited three days to deliver my long-anticipated son, David Michael. I had…
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Grief: Different Stroke for Different Folks, But I Didn’t See That One Coming
How might the type of death, type of relationship with the person, and previous experiences with the death affect our ability to grieve?
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Do You Have The Kind Of Support System You Need?
How Support Systems Shape the Way We Grieve A key factor in how we process grief is the kind of support system we have. Life stage, personality, and community all influence who supports us and how we heal. 🧒 Stage of Life Children often turn to their parents during grief. Parents carry the heavy task of guiding their children while managing their own pain—sometimes putting their kids’ needs first. Young adults tend to rely on friends. They may push away their parents’ care as they seek independence. But friends often lack experience with loss and may not know how to offer support. As a result, their ability to tolerate grief…
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Grieving Into The Holidays – Ragers and Gapers
Part Two As you drive through the holidays, you not only face speedbumps (things you can anticipate may be headed your way) and potholes (things you don’t see coming) but there are other drivers on the road. Every driver you pass is on a journey as well. Each can potentially cause a challenge for you to arrive safely at your destination. So, avoid one and embrace the other. Avoid this…Road Rage We’ve all been driving down the road and seen drivers overreact to being cut off. It is called road rage. Road rage is the violent anger caused by the stress and frustration involved in driving a motor vehicle in difficult conditions. When it…
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Grieving Into The Holidays – Speedbumps and Potholes
Part One The holidays are a complicated part of life in the midst of grief. Holiday festivities and holiday grief don’t usually mix well. Families gathering around a Christmas tree and someone missing are awkward. What are some tips to help “drive through the holidays” with as minor damage as possible? When it comes to hard days and holidays, beware of speedbumps and potholes. Speedbumps I know it is a word-picture and might be silly, but go with me here. If you think about a speed bump, they are forseeable changes. It is usually well-marked. A sign typically warns you it is coming. It is put there intentionally to “slow you down.” And if you…
