A New Year is typically a time for resolutions—intentions to do something new. Some resolutions include improving one’s health, getting out of debt, going back to school, or spending more time with loved ones. I often wonder, in the midst of grief, what a New Year’s resolution might look like when sometimes getting out of bed is a challenge, when planning for the future seems impossible because your “future” died with that loved one.
So, in 2025, to my fellow grievers, here are some resolutions you might try. Resolve to do helpful things. There is a slogan we used in REBUILD, Finding Hope After Loss, that goes like this: “Everything is normal. Not everything is helpful. Do helpful things!” What does that mean?
“Everything is normal.”
Our bodies, thoughts, and feelings are interconnected. When we experience a devastating loss, we can feel like we are going crazy because our body does weird things, our ability to focus can be shot, and our emotions are on overload.
“Not everything is helpful.”
In the midst of grief, sometimes we make matters worse. We choose to cope by isolating ourselves when what we really need is to know we aren’t alone. Or we look for temporary relief with drugs, alcohol, or other coping mechanisms to function or forget. Or we stuff our emotions away and move on with life because thinking about it is too painful.
“Do helpful things.”
Helpful things fall into many categories but often involve stepping into your grief through activities that help you engage with your grief—for example,
- Take care of your body through exercise, eating well, and getting sleep (not in excess).
- Mindfulness exercises that help calm down your body when grief is overwhelming—
- Processing emotions through journaling or creative activities.
- Build a support system of friends and family who will care for you well in the midst of heartache. We don’t try to fix you, but we listen. Friends who help you remember with hope when you feel hopeless.
- Join a grief support group of others on the same journey. No one understands your struggle as much as some going through a similar struggle. It won’t give you back your loved one, but it will give you a safe space to remember and encourage you to do helpful things. Looking for a group? In the North Dallas/Collin County area, I recommend REBUILD. REBUILD offers groups each Fall and Spring at Woodcreek Church in Richardson, Texas, as well as in the Chicago area. Grief Share is another support group offered in many churches. If you are looking for support for child loss, While We’re Waiting offers retreats and local monthly support groups in many areas. If you are looking for support for a child going through grief in the North Dallas/Collin County area, check out Journey of Hope in Plano, Texas.
- If needed, seek professional help. While grief isn’t a disease to be cured, sometimes it does require more help than a loving support system can offer. Loss, especially when it is complicated or out of order, can leave scares that need attention. A good grief counselor can be priceless.
Reflection
As you step into the new year, what kind of resolution might you consider? What helpful things can you do? It isn’t too late to start now.
